In just a few days I will be heading to Night of the Senses, an event that truly celebrates eroticism in all its wondrous shades. It is an erotic party for which I am feeling feverish anticipation; tantalised on many levels and, at which, am given the opportunity to freely express myself as i choose to. It is a night where carnal delights are shared/offered be it in a participatory or voyeuristic manner and I, for one, am desirous of indulging my senses in such an environment.
Talking of indulgences; I consider myself to be fortunate to have the freedom to live the life i choose. A kind of liberty that some may crave but don’t have the opportunity to experience beyond of their imagination (that said imagination can be a very fertile playground – and certainly one I enjoy). For me it is about allowing time for play; to experiment with aspects of myself that want to be expressed and experienced. A voyage of self discovery should, in my opinion, be a life long journey.
This much I know; I am a woman who desires to fully experience and embrace physicality and sensuality. A woman who craves for the essence of her femininity, and, at times, masculine energy, to be given a platform to thrive in it’s self expression. I am, as I have stated before, a lover… of all things naughty, but I am also much more, and it is here that I’m inclined to reveal both aspects; to slowly dismantle myself with candor and openness, playfully.
I have a Frank Herbert quote on my wall that reads;
Seek freedom and become captive to your desires
Seek discipline and find your liberty
It is a quote I revisit time and time again, each time questioning my comprehension of it. It does challenge me to consider my objectives in living the life I do. It has me want to delve deep inside myself – to the part that is without ego. It’s a simple but somewhat complex idea that has me want… to really touch the edges of myself; the parts that hunger for a deeper understanding of this particular human condition ((desire)) as I see/experience it.
I’m supposing that the black silk scarf above my bed that reads;
Freedom is deciding who’s slave you want to be
fits rather appropriately into this ongoing enquiry of mine nestling, unapologetically, next to the Herbert quote in a way that brings a cheeky smile to me i confess! I’ve always liked the idea that we are the creators of our life and only we can determine the meaning of such things as freedom. If desire is in fact my captor and I its slave then am I truly the libertine I consider myself to be? It’s a question I like to sit with and, to some extent, play with on this journey of mine.
And what of desire? Is it meaningless lust? or is it something more innate? a pull; a connection that we get drawn (in) to in an increasingly detached and disconnected world. It is in recognition of this, and my curiosity, that I have been drawn to tantra to explore these themes that fascinate me so.
Until the next time,
Naughty Nic x